Marriage and Infidelity Counselors Directory
Remember, it is not wrong to want to have a HAPPY marriage.
The first step to saving or restoring a marriage that has encountered infidelity requires that both partners confront reality. All marriage requires work and one that has experienced cheating requires a good deal more. It requires commitment to getting the marriage back to a level of trust. This commitment is a conscious choice by both of you. Frequently this means agreeing to give up having to be "right" in the relationship. Without such an agreement, counseling will likely fail.
Most affairs do not end the way they should, with your spouse completely separating from his or her partner. Your spouse's cheating partner may still be a factor, and you need to know how to restore your marital relationship with this other man or other woman lurking in the wings. It is also important to understand that this is not necessarily what your spouse wants. They may truly want to end the relationship, but they are in some capacity addicted to the infidelity. A professional will almost always be required to get a spouse who is addicted to sex or adultery to overcome that addiction.
A professional can also help you and your spouse through the early stages of dealing with an affair. You will be a mess to put it mildly. Many emotions will come and go and having someone to talk to will help you to get through this very, very difficult time, no matter how things end up. You must also try and understand that although your spouse created this nightmare, he or she may also be going through a nightmare of there own. They did this, they hurt you, they messed up everything but they did it because they believe that some emotional need of theirs was not being met. This does not mean that the affair is your fault. It does mean that you need to accept that there was some type of emotional need that they had which was not being met and whatever this need is, it will affect your ability to restore your relationship. During the first few weeks, he or she will be confused, hurt, guilt ridden and often in a form of withdrawal from the loss of a person that gave them some important emotional need. If you refuse to accept that he or she will be hurting during this period, you are wrong and will likely not be able to save your relationship.
Not only will a counselor help your spouse to end the affair, they will also help guide you through the steps of rebuilding love, trust and safety. A very big part of that rebuilding is to identify what was wrong with the marriage in the first place. Few marriages in which both partners communicate effectively about their needs and nurture those needs to keep one another happy end with adultery. Identifying and fixing the problems is necessary to prevent the same thing from occurring again. If you are of the opinion that because your spouse had an affair, that he or she must eat dirt and live with whatever level of love you are willing to provide them, save your money on counseling and use it for the divorce attorney. Identifying and fixing the problem is imperative to allow love and safety to return.
A marriage counselor or relationship counselor will also be able to assist you with overcoming resentment. Resentment is an almost immediate reaction and often leads to declaring “it is over” when the truth is learned. Over time it will subside as trust is built up, but even when you “fix” the relationship and all is forgiven, it is unlikely that it will be forgotten. It is almost a guarantee that you will have recurring feelings of resentment about the affair for years. This is normal and the rule of thumb is, the more you have to resent, the longer you will do so. Time can heal all wounds, but some take a very long time to heal. (It is likely more difficult to get past an affair your husband had, one time, with someone he met while out of town during a period when you were fighting and had discussed divorce, than it is to forgive a ten year affair with your best friend) A counselor will prove to be invaluable in helping you to deal with these feelings and get past them. Left unchecked, these feelings of resentment can ruin any chance you have of recovery. If you want him or her and truly love and believe in them, do not dwell on the past or throw it at them all the time. You must accept them regardless of the past or risk creating a new rift in your marriage that may end it. Obviously this acceptance will take time and initially, you will need to be very angry and resentful. Just know that over time, this anger needs to turn back into love.
Even if you know that your marriage or relationship is over, counseling will help you to deal with your feelings and get your life moving forward. It will also help you because even though the relationship will end, you will likely have to deal with your unfaithful ex-spouse in some capacity going forward. Friends, children and other family members will keep some connections alive and it is very useful to have a healthy way to deal with them and the feelings they are likely to drum up when you see them. Aside from healing you, if you have children, they will benefit greatly from counseling. They will have much to get through and a professional is HIGHLY recommended. Help awaits you.
Finding the right counselor to assist you and your spouse, your children or yourself in dealing with this difficult time is crucial. This site has developed a directory of counselors who provide counseling services for couples and individuals experiencing infidelity. The purpose of this directory is to give you some information about counselors that have an interest in discussing your situation and options and who have a web site for you to visit for more information. In listing counselors on this site, we make no representations as to the actual qualifications of any counselor or professional. We cannot make any representations as to the accuracy of any statements made on this site about a listed counselor, and assert that all descriptive statements about listed counselors have been provided by those counselors during the process of being added to this site.
We encourage you to visit the sites of counselors in your area and to call them to discuss your situation.
