The cheating husband
The cheating husband

Cheating husband on cell phoneA husband having an affair is likely to be one of the most painful and devastating things that can happen to you. Not knowing if your husband is cheating on you or not is equally as painful. Even the prospect of your husband being unfaithful is painful and extremely disruptive.

We all know that both sexes are guilty of infidelity and that blame for a broken relationship is not the fault of a gender, but there are several aspects of infidelity that are more attributable to men then women.

Recent studies indicate that males are more likely to engage in adulterous activity for the sexual experience only, than are women. Although this is not a rule, we do see more instances of men cheating on their wives purely for the physical act of sex. These men are more likely to have a relationship with any willing female and to allow that relationship to end quickly or immediately than are women. Women committing adultery tend to initiate an affair for some “greater purpose” than lust. A woman can find a man for sex any time they want to whereas a man cannot always find a woman willing to have sex with him. These types of men will often have more interest in the physical aspect of the relationship and tend not to get as emotionally attached to their cheating partner in the affair as women do. Experts say that unlike women who undoubtedly fantasize about extracurricular romance but who are able to separate that fantasy from reality; men are more likely to be unable to distinguish between “mental longings” and physical transgressions, many times not realizing the true scope of what they are doing until it's too late.

The next argument made about men and infidelity is that men are “naturally inclined” to try and “mate” with as many women as possible. This argument implies that like some animals, men want to procreate and “spread their seed” to as many women as possible. Whether there is any validity to this argument or not is best left up to the scientific community, but there is little doubt that more men are able to engage in infidelity, with less guilt, than are women. (i.e. the guy who goes to the local “massage parlor” once a year, but has no remorse and simultaneously, no feelings for the masseuse/prostitute is somewhat unique to men) This does not mean that some women do not engage in affairs and adultery without remorse, it is just less common. Please understand that despite the threat of AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases, there is a pool of women out there who like to have intercourse with many men, often with complete strangers, some of whom do it for money. They can be with 250-300 men in a year, sometimes two or three in the same day!

Men also appear to be driven by the desire to feel good and to be with someone that arouses them. They often stray when they find an opportunity to have sex with someone that is “hotter” then their wife or partner or is in some way more sexually exciting. If they perceive their wife as being overweight, out of shape, non-responsive or too crabby, infidelity becomes a much more realistic option. Everyone has heard story after story about a husband who we catch cheating who reports that it is his wife’s fault. “She got fat”; “she only cares about the kids” or no longer cares about having exciting sex. Men like to feel important and desired and when a woman shows an interest, it feels good and they go after it. When a stranger shows an interest in a man, they get aroused. Put a man who is unhappy at home or in his marital bed in that scenario and you can guess what happens.

The last difference is that more men seem to get away with it. They seem to be more capable of maintaining the “norm” at home while carrying on the affair. If the affair is detected, it appears that a wife is more likely to stay with an adulterer husband then the opposite, thus sending the message to the males of our society that even if they do get caught, it must be acceptable because “so and so” had been cheating for years, got caught and his wife got over it. Society also tells men that having sex with as many women as possible is the way to go. Many people adore hearing about the sexual exploits of the likes of Hugh Hefner, Tommy Lee, Warren Beatty, Mick Jagger, etc. etc. Even a former president got caught engaging in oral sex with a young woman in the oval office and he remains married and became more popular than ever. The ability to sleep with many women is linked to the ideas of having power, status and money, all things that the average husband strives for. As long as women tolerate infidelity on the part of their husband, husbands will likely take advantage of it.

Think about the old “seven year itch” and how the fact that even in times when marriage was deemed to be more sacred than it is now, a husband’s inclinations toward being unfaithful after a period of marriage was so pronounced that it merited its own name.

Something that is not gender specific but is worth mentioning is that in almost all cases of marital infidelity, something is wrong in the marriage. Either the husband or the wife is unhappy and likely both. Someone’s needs are not being met. Something does not work the way they want it to.